oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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