i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You ruined the universe
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
