OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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