Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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