i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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