why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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