Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
