I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
