Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
