The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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