Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
