somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
