they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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