they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
