Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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