We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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