Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
