i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
