Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
