I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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