I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
