you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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