Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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