I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
