you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
