You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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