Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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