Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
