I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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