A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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