My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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