I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
