She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
