You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
