He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
