Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
