you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
