I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
