we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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