Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
