I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You took a bar mat shot.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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