You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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