there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize