he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
