i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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