Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
