I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
