I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
