I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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