We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
