So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
