i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
