He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
