just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
