he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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