I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize