Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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