Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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