? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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