sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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