im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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