we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
