I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
