You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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