It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize