o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
