I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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