My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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