that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
