is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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